Someone I came to know when I became a youth pastor surprised me when I head him confess that one of the unspoken rules in his family as he was growing up was to evaluate everything in light of one particular question. They never outwardly asked the question (well, maybe they did). But they lived under the question for sure. The question was: “What will other people think?” It shaped what they bought. It shaped the places they went. It shaped what they ate. It shaped what they drank, or didn’t drink. It shaped the style of clothing that they wore – who they spent their time with – even when, how often, and why they went to church… And, in his rawest moments he’d confess, “You know, Jeff, it is a terrible thing to live under the burden of trying to impress everyone!”

You and I are wired to crave approval. We acquire the taste of people’s approval at an early age. When captains are chosen and kids begin picking teams… the mental spotlight of approval blares on those chosen based on popularity, skill, and usefulness… who wants to be last?… no one! Kids begin angling and leveraging relationships based on which circle of approval they can glean the greatest sense of value from. It makes us feel good! Being invited feels… great! Being left out feels… awful. We learn to do those things that earn admiration and compliments and inclusion. And we learn to avoid anything that makes us look different or stupid in the eyes of others.

Over the years the addiction grows in our life. And the need is satisfied in more subtle ways. We habitually compare ourselves with others. We measure ourselves up against where we are on the pecking order and limit dignity only to positions of authority. We have to win, progress, succeed or advance, at all costs… so… people who don’t carry their weight… are cut loose… and succeeding becomes more important than those people… because, after all… what would people think? …We can’t ever be wrong… especially openly in front of others… even if the criticism is accurate… because, after all… what would people think. I EVENTUALLY BECOME MY OWN EXECUTIVE PR ASSIGNED TO GUARD AND ADVANCE THE PERCEPTION OF MY STOCK-VALUE TO THE STOCKHOLDERS AT ALL COST! And the slightest dip in the trade value is the devastating beginning of a slippery slope to utter ruin. Because… what would people think?

That approval of other people becomes a narcotic in our lives. It settles our nerves. It gives us warm feelings when we get it. And we NEED it! We CRAVE it! We grow irritable and uncertain without it! And without channeling that addiction toward the end to which it was designed… all of our actions and behaviors become a means to satisfy… just one more hit… “Am I okay?… Did I do okay?… What do you think… of me… right now?”

Jesus knew that we crave approval. He actually designed us that way. And he knew that that craving could either purify or poison our internal righteousness. God made you to crave approval. You know who’s approval He designed you to crave? HIS APPROVAL! And Satan… and your own deceptive heart… introduces the wrong motive and subverts that design. It short-circuits the very thing that can make your relationship with Him… intimate.

Jesus says, his followers are playing to a different audience. His followers carefully evaluate their motives. They’re fixated on a Heavenly Rewarder and live increasingly free… from the narcotic of people approval. They’re playing to an audience of One!

John 5:44; 1 Cor. 4:2-5

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